Bound in Matrimony
by Jasmine-enimsaJ
Summary: Lily and James wake up in a suspicious place, only to be informed, courtesy of Sirius, that they've been 'bound in matrimony'. Unfortunately, Lily is left obvlivious of such information. ReadReview! Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1: Drunken Surprises

Bound in Matrimony

By: Jasmine

Chapter 1

"Drunken Surprises"

James sat up in bed, slightly disoriented, reaching up to rub his eyes only to come across a smooth, hard surface. That was quite peculiar considering he never forgot to remove his glasses before going to sleep every night. He straightened them, rubbing his temples. His head was aching and he had no memory of the night before. Thinking about it just made his head throb even more painfully than it already was. He made to climb out of bed, feeling an icy chill across his chest. He bent down to see his shirt unbuttoned. This was even more peculiar, but he shrugged it off, not wanting to think anything of it. Only then did he notice his surroundings. No longer was he in the Gryffindor boys' dormitories but an odd sort of room. It had large portraits of painted sceneries on the walls, the wallpaper simple stripes.

"What the...?" He muttered, his voice fading. A soft moan behind him snapped him out of his stupor. James spun around, eyes setting on the source of the sound. As if in response, his face drained itself of all color, a sinking sensation falling to the pit of his stomach. He staggered backward, a stabbing pain coursing through his back as he hit a doorknob. "No..."

"Yep." said a deep voice from behind, making James jump. Sirius had just emerged from the bathroom, having freshened himself up. James stared, awaiting an answer to all his unasked questions. He wanted to know exactly what was going on, and he wanted to know now because he hated being uninformed of everything to do with him, whether it be good or bad. "Don't worry. You two didn't do anything." Sirius said curtly, pushing past James to a second door, this one probably leading out.

"Sirius." James halted him, giving Sirius a piercing stare, which was returned. He wanted to know exactly how in the world he had ended up waking up in the same bed as Lily Evans. He wanted to know what had happened the night before because he was fully aware that Sirius had all knowledge of it. He wanted to know everything at that moment, not later. Sirius continued gazing, making James ball his hands into fists and say through clenched teeth, "What the hell is going _on_?"

"Ah. You don't remember, do you?" Sirius chortled knowingly, his hands in his pockets. James decided not to respond, knowing it was no use. Sirius chuckled softly, putting a hand through his sleek ebony hair, his eyes like the ocean, vast and incomprehensible. James grunted, tapping his toe. "Fine, fine. If you _must_ know, and obviously you must, last night we went out. You, me, Lily, and Alana. Remus had Prefect duties, and you know Peter, wetting his knickers over trouble and detention... So, er, we went out—snuck out, actually. We didn't go to Hogsmeade, though. Still have no clue where we were, just that we went into a nice little bar. Alana dear was dreadfully angry, though. Guess I ordered some drinks, and a certain two people got drunk..."

"And...?" James demanded, an eyebrow quirked. He was not sure that was the end of the story, but he was very frightened to find what the end was. "What happened next? And you still haven't told me why I woke up in the same bed as Evans."

Sirius looked as if he wished he could be anywhere but here. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, no voice coming out. When James looked as if he was ready to burst, Sirius let out, "Well, _technically_... you didn't wake up next to Evans." James's eyes narrowed, and he began searching through his pockets, obviously looking for his wand. "No, no! Don't get me wrong or anything, I'm not teasing you. You see.. er... You and Lily were extremely drunk last night and wanted to do something spontaneous..."

"You said we didn't do anything!" James exclaimed, pointing his wand at Sirius in the process, who flinched.

"You... didn't. Just, er, how do I put this?" He looked down, scratching his head and looking unsure of himself for the first time in his life. James prodded his chest with his wand threateningly. "Okay, okay. Well, that girl over there," He gestured to Lily, who was still sleeping soundly in the bed. "Her name's not Evans... anymore."

"What rubbish are you—" James stopped in mid-sentence, his eyes widening. He stared at Sirius, who grimaced. "I—We—We got—No way—" He stuttered gibberish, pointing at himself, Lily, and many other strange places. "We... we didn't get... _married_. Did we?" Sirius nodded slowly, backing away in the process. James yelped, looking as if it was the end of the world. Not one of them noticed Lily bolt upright in bed, looking around angrily, grumbling something weird under her breath. "I'm only SIXTEEN! This can't be! My parents are going to _kill_ me! Oh, Merlin, what did I do to deserve this! Why? Why?"

"Potter...? Black...? Lily mumbled, strands of crimson hair obscuring her face, her eyes unfocused. She crawled out of bed, shakily getting to her feet, her knees rattling against each other. "What am I doing here? What's going on?" She made to walk towards them only to fall to her knees, taking old of a nearby tabletop for support.

"Lily!" James ran to her aid, helping her up. But she shoved him off, unsteadily standing again. "You—you should get back in bed. You don't look to well." He said as he himself felt a particularly painful throb across his temples, making him groan in pain. He pulled out a chair and precariously placed himself in it, blinking his eyes to focus them.

"I don't need to. I'm just fine. Now, what's going on!" Lily screeched, her ashen face glaring at James and Sirius. But before she could do anymore, she hunched over, throwing up all over the carpet. "Ugh. Gross." She whined. Looking down at herself, she jumped. She was standing in nothing but a long, button-down white shirt. She ran into the bathroom, picking up her clothes in the way.

"James. We need to get back to Hogwarts." Sirius voiced apprehensively when he heard the shower start. James nodded, slipping into his own clothes as well. "Alana's next door. We slept in there." James looked up at him, smirking, but Sirius waved him off. "Don't even _think_ anything of it. She made me stay in here all night until you two went to sleep to be sure nothing happened. If anyone, you should be thanking her. Then, she made sure we had a two-bed room." He looked slightly disgruntled by this fact, making James laugh.

"Damn." Lily stood in the doorway of the bathroom fully clothed and newly refreshed. She was still holding her head, though, and she looked little less a wreck than before. "Will someone _ please_ tell me what happened last night?" She begged, stumbling over to the bed and sitting down.

"Nothing. We just went out and decided to stay in a hotel instead." Sirius began slowly, glancing between Lily and James nervously. He blinked his sapphire eyes, dawning comprehension overcoming them. He smiled. "No worries, though. James and I stayed in the room next door." Lily nodded, her worry level decreasing obviously.

Just then Alana poked her head into the room, her brown eyes scanning the premises. "Lily!" she cried, coming over and hugging her best friend. "Thank god you're okay!"

"Okay? What d'you mean?" Lily inquired immediately, her piercing gaze switching between Sirius, James, and Alana. "There's something going on that I don't know about. What is it?"

Alana widened her eyes, sending a questioning look toward Sirius, who returned it with a 'we-didn't-tell-her-and-neither-should-you' look. "Nothing. She's just being silly. We'd better get back to Hogwarts before classes start, though, or you'll definitely not be okay. McGonagall's going to chew you out, considering we have her first." Sirius saved, his lie coming out very smoothly and convincing. Lily was still suspicious of their behavior but was too tired to inquire anymore as to the topic.

The foursome left the hotel, Sirius paying the bill so Lily wouldn't see who'd slept in which room. They quickly made off through the fireplace, using the last of the hotel's floo powder and arrived at Hogwarts just as students were filing out of the Great Hall, whispering among themselves.

* * *

Kinda short, I know, but let me know what you think! There's way more to come up. I just thought of this story as a whim, and hopefully it'll grow to be a great story. I'll try to update next weekend because I've got to keep up with school. What's about all. Enjoy, and...

_**REVIEW!**_


	2. Chapter 2: The Art of Vexation

Bound in Matrimony

By: Jasmine

Chapter 2

"The Art of Vexation"

Sirius and James were sure they'd be able to successfully sneak by unnoticed when a stern voice called from behind, "Mr. Black. Mr. Potter." The two spun around to find Professor McGonagall staring down her rectangular spectacles at them, her nostrils flared, lips thin as paper. "I'm sure you two will be more than willing to inform me of your whereabouts of last night since you never showed up in your dorms." Her eyes were like knives piercing through their very essence.

"Well, you see here, Professor," Sirius began smoothly, putting his hands in his pockets casually. He paused, contemplating his next words only to come to nothing. He looked to James for support, but his cheeks were still flushed and he still looked dazed. Sirius rolled his eyes as Professor McGonagall cleared her throat, awaiting his response. "We—er—just went out for a—" But he was cut off.

McGonagall had just laid sight on Sirius's attire, and her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates before narrowing, her glare making Sirius flinch. "Mr. Black. May I inquire as to _what_ you are using to hold your pants up?" She questioned, her lips now barely discernible from her very skin. She was shaking with rage, sparks seeming to emit from her ears.

Sirius looked down and gasped, as did the rest of the on-looking students. He had mistakenly knotted his Gryffindor tie around his waste in haste, unable to ascertain the location of his belt that morning. He laughed nervously, glancing back up at Professor McGonagall, who was in her prior state still. James slapped his forehead, causing him to wince in pain. "Come now, Professor, even the best of wizards can make mistakes so early in the morning—"

"Considering you aren't the best of wizards," McGonagall began icily. "And you weren't up so early in the morning, I don't believe that statement applies to you." Sirius frowned, opening his mouth to reply only to be interrupted. "Ten points from Gryffindor for your insubordination. And five points from each of you for being out of your dorms after hours."

"What!" James bellowed, flabbergasted. All heads turned toward the glass vials on the stone walls, each holding different colored sand, to see not twenty but thirty points being abducted. Sirius gasped loudly, falling over in a mock-faint. "Er—Professor? _Thirty_ points were taken. There's only two of us."

"Incorrect, Mr. Potter. There were not two but _four_ of you out of bed last night. I haven't forgotten about Ms. Evans and Ms. Simmons." She then turned and strode off. Sirius stuck his tongue out at her back only to jump when she turned again. "Five more points from Gryffindor for that, Mr. Black, and I suggest you place your tie in its correct place by the time I see you in class."

Once she was out of earshot, Sirius mocked in an uncannily accurate impression of Professor McGonagall, "I suggest you place your tie in its correct place by the time I see you in class because I bloody well can't take a joke!" A few people snickered. Sirius glared at them for he was not trying to be funny this time. "Old hag. Well, I'd better hurry upstairs before they start deciding to extend the house point vials to have negatives." He stalked off huffily, hexing anyone who glanced at him on his way.

* * *

Lily and Alana sat in the Great Hall that afternoon, Lily gulfing food down her throat hungrily. She hadn't eaten for nearly twenty-four hours after all. Alana gazed disgustedly, wiping a fleck of grease from her cheek as Lily made to grab more from the infinitely appearing platters ahead of her. Only did Lily stop her frenzy when Sirius and James took their seats ahead of her. She'd never eat so messily in front of them, never would she give them another topic of taunt. "Er—Hey." said James uncertainly. Lily grunted, not even looking up.

"You must be hungry." Sirius teased, smirking, to shatter the annoyingly silence ringing through his eardrums. Lily wondered how he'd known when she realized he was not looking at her but her chest. She was about to slap him across the face when she looked down herself and was shocked at what a mess she'd made herself. Her newly cleansed white blouse was covered in different bits of food and whatnot. Sirius shifted his gaze to Alana. "Next time, offer her a bib."

"Shut your trap, Black, before I do it for you." Lily snapped, muttering, "_Scourgify._" Her blouse was now as white as it had ever been and looked as if she'd just bought it. She smiled slightly, nodding her head in satisfaction. Only then did she notice the peculiarity of James's behavior. It usually would have been him, not Sirius, who'd insulted her. Why had he backed off at such a tempting chance? It didn't seem very like him, but then again, when did he ever act expectedly?

"Anyway..." said James slowly, looking anywhere but into Lily's deep emerald eyes. "Tomorrow's a Hogsmeade visit." He glanced at Lily, apprehension eminent in his tone. Sirius nudged him, encouraging him on. After all, if he ever wanted Lily to accept the news of their marriage, he had to get her to like him _first_, or, in any case, that's what they'd come up with while conversing by way of notes throughout their morning classes. "I was wondering if you'd like to go with me..."

"No." Lily said curtly without a thought as to the question. Three pairs of eyes stared at her incredulously, but she paid no heed. James Potter was the reason she hated choosing Gryffindor over Ravenclaw during her sorting, the reason she lived a life of torment both in and out of school, the reason Gryffindor had lost thirty points that morning, and the reason she wasn't quite sure of how she'd gotten back to school with such a headache. She wasn't about to give in without a fight.

"Why not!" James inquired blankly, his temper rising. Sirius and Alana backed away, sensing the same heat emitting from Lily. They'd rather be a part of the audience than the stage-actors. It was much safer.

"Because I said so! I don't have to give you any valid reason!" Lily snapped hotly, rising from her seat for a better stance. James did the same, sensing the tension building between the two of them. This was going to turn into a row, he knew it, but he wasn't the one who started it, so he shouldn't be the one to stop it. That was his saying. Finish what you started, and if you didn't start it, don't bother finishing it.

"Yes you do have to give me a valid reason because I'm—" He halted in mid-sentence. He'd been about to say 'your husband' but thought better of announcing it in the Great Hall when all heads were turned in their direction, intently watching the scene they were putting on as if it were some excellent, top-rated television show.

"A lying, disgusting prat who's worth not even the dirt he walks on!" Lily spat scathingly, poking him harshly in the chest with her index finger. James glowered on a moment longer before turning and marching out of the Great Hall, numerous sets of eyes following until the doors slammed behind him. Lily smirked in triumph, sitting back down. "Couldn't deny it because it was the truth." She muttered to herself, her tone between hateful and victorious. Sirius and Alana stared unbelievingly at each other. They'd been expecting bloodshed that time.

* * *

James continuously threw brooding glances at Lily the whole day, who had a very hard time ignoring them. He _had_ to get her to go with him the next day, no matter what. He'd been trying his best not to resort to blackmail, but it turns out Lily's headstrong attitude was pushing him closer and closer to the edge. He'd have to think of something good, though not too much. That would be saved for later torture. 

James spent the rest of the day trying to find anything he could use only to come up blank. Finding blackmail was harder than it looked. It seems he had to turn to his clever mate Padfoot. When he spoke to him that evening of his plan, Sirius spent almost five minutes rolling around the ground, hilarity overcoming him. "I don't think it was that funny." James mumbled fervently.

"Sorry, mate." said Sirius at last, wiping a tear from his azure eyes. He retook his seat in an armchair next to James, crossing his feet. "It's just odd. She's your wife, yet you still don't know her. Blackmail isn't going to do anything but get her angrier, mate. She's just going to end up hexing you into oblivion."

"Then what?" James asked, his hazel eyes befuddled.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Do I have to tell you _everything_?" He groaned. "Five years with her and still zilch. You've got to _annoy_ her into it. She'll try killing you, but in the end she'll give in, unable to take anymore of your bothersome attitude. And worry not, Prongs, I shall teach you the art of vexation. You'll be an expert by the next ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" asked James skeptically, smirking, an eyebrow quirked.

"Yep." said Sirius cheerfully. Then, his face became serious, his voice stern. "Now listen closely, James Potter. The art of vexation is very easy to learn but hard to keep up. The trick is: never shut up. Continue to talk on and on and on repeating the same thing using different words. For example, if you'd like to tell someone they look beautiful, and don't you go stealing this. Come up with things of your own. Anyway, if you want to tell someone they look beautiful, it should go something like 'Oh, Lily, you look stunning. The light shines upon your grace, highlighting your very being. You're the beauty and I'm the beast. You're gorgeous, exquisite, magnificent, and breathtaking. Your ravishing qualities overshadow those of the whole female population _combined_! I know I'm not worthy of such an enchantress, but please deem me so. Your seductiveness is overwhelming my soul.' and so on and so forth. Get it?" Sirius finished to a wide eyed James.

"Why haven't you got a girlfriend, or girlfriends, for that matter?" James inquired, astonished.

Sirius smirked, putting a hand through his sleek hair. "Single works for me right now. Don't have an expectations to live up to." He paused. "Or rather, don't have any expectations for my girlfriend to live up to." He finished smugly making James roll his own eyes. A momentary hush followed this statement. Then, Sirius exclaimed in a surprised tone, "What're you still doing here! Go seduce her before I do!" He waved his hand in the air, making James jump out of his seat and run to the other end of the Common Room. "My job here is done." Sirius muttered before heading out the portrait hole toward the kitchens, oblivious to the plentiful girls trying to catch his attention his on his way.

* * *

Well, there you have it. Chapter 2. I like how this story is coming out. It's turning out to be much more well written than my last, but I hope I don't lose interest in this one, or else I'll end up writing crappy. I don't think I will, as long as those reviews keep coming in! I've also been trying to make Sirius a bit more cockier and humorous. How's it going so far? 

Oh, and about the tie-in-the-pant-loops thing, trust me, it's a huge deal for someone to do that. I myself go to a private school and if something of the sort were to happen, that person would face extreme consequences. Think of it like stepping on the name of the school, if you might, and you've got the extremity of the act.

That's about all. You'll only get chapter 3 if I have... let's say... 5 reviews? It's 3:52 in the morning, you all! I woke up to write for you guys, so review! And recommend my story to friends as well, please! Thanks! (3:53 A.M. now)

**_REVIEW!_**

..Edit..

UU I only got one review so far, but I am forever thankful to you, Stuck in Wonderland. How about 4 reviews for this next chapter, eh?


	3. Chapter 3: Homophones

Bound in Matrimony

By: Jasmine

Chapter 3

"Homophones"

"For the thousandth time, Potter, _no_!" Lily shrieked, her fiery head ablaze as well as her emerald eyes. Alana snickered quietly, shut up by a look from Lily. James hadn't left Lily alone for even a second that night. He'd followed her everywhere she went and nearly walked straight into the women's lavatory before being shooed off by girls throwing shoes, books, quills, and anything else they could lay hand upon. He was determined to go to Hogsmeade that weekend with Lily at his side, no matter if it be by will or force.

"You know you want to, Eva—Pot—er—Lily. So, don't fight the urge." James covered up smoothly for his temporary mistake. He was losing his marbles on the inside, though. Now he couldn't call her by her last name. That was a definite minus, considering he'd now have to learn to call her by 'Lily', and he wasn't very good at learning new things, unless it had to do with Transfiguration.

"I know if you don't leave me alone," Lily spat irritably, her grip on the piece of parchment she was writing so hard that she tore a hole through it. "I'll rip off your manhood." Many nearby and anyone who was eavesdropping, or watching because they were loud enough, burst into loud fits of laughter, tears strolling down the cheeks of numerous. One even fell off his chair, hitting his head hard on the corner of a desk and not even noticing.

James looked nervous for a second before wiping the expression from his face, replacing it with his previous smug one. "Look, Lily, I know you love me, but please. If you want me _that_ bad, just go out with me." He smirked as the audiences' hysterics grew thunderous. Lily was now shaking with rage, her quill suspended in mid-air, a drop of ink growing larger and larger just under it.

The next thing that came surprised all. Lily spun around in her chair, looking up at James lovingly. Her emerald eyes were glowing with a mysterious luminosity as she stood to her full height, which barely came to James's shoulder. She stared him in the eye, her nose barely inches away from James's. James determinedly gazed on, a sweat bead rolling down the side of his face. He wiped it away quickly with the back of his hand. Lily smiled, or rather smirked, and raised her quill, scratching something rapidly against James's forehead.

James yelped in pain, the palm of his hand coming into contact with his skin. He looked down at it to see black ink smeared across it so he couldn't tell what was written. The Common Room, however, roared with mirth, Alana laughing loudly as well. "What?" James asked anxiously. No one answered, though. Lily had gone back to her homework, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. "What is it?"

Sirius strode over to James, his eyes shining with amusement. "Take a look, mate." he chortled, conjuring a round mirror out of thin air and holding it ahead of James's face. The Common Room became silent as they watched James's face became pink then red then crimson then maroon then purple then tinged blue. He reached a shaky hand toward the mirror, taking hold of it and staring wildly at his reflection. "Well...?" Sirius asked as if wanting an opinion on a recipe he'd just cooked.

James ignored his comment, staring horror-struck at the mirror. "Does this come off?" James questioned, turning his gaze to Lily at long last. She looked up at him, staring at the word printed across his forehead before shaking her head. James yelped in frustration, feverishly rubbing the palm of his hand against his brow but only managing to smear the ink across it.

"Why do you hate that word, Potter? Never heard of what a homophone is?" Lily sneered, standing at last. She had her hands on her hips and was amusedly watching James fiddle. "Or maybe you've just never learned what one is."

"Yeah right, Lily!" James snapped, glaring at her. Sirius came to the rescue, wisely using a cleansing spell on James's face, adding a bit emphasis so James's glasses fogged up. "Argh. Sirius!" Sirius shrugged, sitting back down amid laughter, high and shrieking from his female fans. James let out a slow, steady breath before turning on Lily again. "Fine. You watch now. You'll hear so many homophones from me, you'll be amazed." The audience was now laughing at James's stupidity.

Lily stared, her eyes narrowed. "_What_?"

James smirked, putting his fists in his pockets. "Sea, see." He recited in a sing-song tone. Lily's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to say something in return, but James cut her off. "Be, bee... Pair, pear... Not, knot... Accept, except... Male, mail... Wail, wale, whale... What, watt... Halve, half..." And so on he went, following Lily around and torturing the living daylights out of her. She was ready to rip her fiery hair out of her head when James suggested, finally not speaking in homophone-language, "Go to Hogsmeade with me, Lily, or I'll _neve_r stop."

Spinning around like lightning, Lily glowered at the boy reflected in her eyes, shaking with rage and aggravation. "You know what, Potter?" Lily spat scathingly, her eyes narrow as slits. James stared, his mouth forming a very smug and out-of-place grin. "_Fine_."

"What?" James gazed on, his mouth losing its smirk, his eyes losing their luster. He just stared. Flabbergasted. He opened his mouth, an odd sort of sound emitting from within, a sound very unlike his own.

"Yep. You heard me." Lily continued, throwing her hands up in defeat. "I'll go, but only if you aren't as annoying as you were for the last hour. Because if you are, I swear, Potter, my previous offer of shredding your body up to such small bits that when I scatter you about the Hogwarts grounds, no one will even be able to tell they were ever once a boy still stands."

"Okay..." James's eyes were now wide and he backed away unconsciously. He looked around, breaking his gaze from Lily's brilliant emeralds. He was going to Hogsmeade with Lily. He felt as if his one and only true dream had come true. The only fault was that he'd never imagined he'd have to marry her to force himself to ask her out. That was something you'd tell your children one day, that it's not that odd when your parents tell you you're never to go on a date again until you're married, not that he'd advise it to anyone else.

"So?" Sirius questioned in mock-anticipation, his face home to a knowing smile. James nodded slowly, his expression blank. Sirius patted James on the back quite hard, making James jump in frustration, rubbing his shoulder. "Finally got the nerve to open your mouth and hear something other than an insult, eh, mate?" He joked, now acting out an extremely over-exaggerated version of James's arrogance. Remus stared in disgust over the top of his book.

"Thanks for the encouragement, Padfoot." James muttered irritably, his brow furrowed. His eyes followed Sirius's outrageous movements for a moment longer before he voiced his, and everyone else's, thoughts. "Oi! You on the mickey or something, mate?" He spat, trying his hardest to hide his amusement, for Sirius was making fun of him after all, as he tugged at his sleeve.

"You should talk, Mr. I'm-a-married-man-and-under-age. You're lovin' it, too, aren't you?" He teased, playfully punching James across the same shoulder he'd just bruised previously, causing James to stand up in pain, glaring daggers at him. "Woops. Sorry 'bout that. Next time I'll try to control my explicable strength." He stood and began flexing his muscles, all built up from tedious hours of workout.

A girl to his side gasped loudly and fell off her chair, her ink bottle splattering all over her face. "Might want to get that cleaned up." Sirius said, scrunching his nose at her. James and Remus rolled their eyes at each other. Sirius spun back around stupidly, saying, "Where's Pete? Haven't seen him for a while."

"If you'd been listening instead of mocking my very _being_," James fumed without looking up at him, his quill scratching across a piece of parchment he'd just taken out of his backpack. "Then you would've heard him say that he's gone out for a tutoring session with McGonagall because he's not doing all too well in Transfigurations. Don't see why he didn't just come to me, though. I would've helped him in a heartbeat, considering that's how long it takes me to learn something new in Transfigurations." James said the last big to himself crossly.

"Er... James?" Remus muttered, glancing up from his book again. James looked up, making Sirius frown and ask why he'd given Remus the courtesy of being looked at but not him. Remus and James waved him off. "Peter never said anything about that..."

"Oh..." James mumbled, slightly shocked and wondering where such a memory had come from.

"Dreamt it up, eh, Prongs? Just like getting Lily to willingly come with you to Hogsmeade?" Sirius sneered humorously, cracking up at his own joke. He'd completely missed James mutter, "Barking mad." for he'd fallen off his chair once again, his azure eyes glowing with mirth. The rest of the night was spent with James finishing his homework and running off to detention, finally agreeing to Sirius's incessant pleas at copying his homework because he'd been "too thick to do it himself", as Remus had described it.

* * *

A thousand apologies for the long wait, you guys! I haven't had time to write and I've actually been forcing myself to write, and when I do that, it doesn't really come out very well. Hope this was a good chapter, though... I decided to end it because I was just dragging it along toward the end... I'll try to make the next chapter funnier!

Thank you all my reviewers: Ihateharryandhermioneshippers, iris, Stuck in Wonderland, and Aevum.

To answer some of you reviewers...

**iris: i luv your story.it sort of reminds me of Friends when ross and rachel get drunk and get married.do u watch it?anyways, keep on writing.cant wait to see how james tries to annoy lily.Update!**

Nope I really don't watch Friends... I've watched a few episodes once in a while, but I've never watched it two nights in a row. It's kind of funny that it turned out that way...

**Ihateharryandhermioneshippers: i really like it plz update your dear reveiwer**

Ihateharryandhermioneshippers

Aw! Thanks! Here's an update for you, dear reviewer! lol.

That's about it for now. I'll try to put up Chapter 4, soon! And I'll try to make it funnier! Until then...

_**Please Review!**_


	4. Chapter 4: Surprise!

Bound in Matrimony

By: Jasmine

Chapter 4

"Surprise!"

James closed his eyes serenely, feeling the gentle breeze caress his face. His lips stretched slowly to form a small smile as an image of Lily formed at the back of his eyelids. He ruffled his hair quickly, snapping his eyes open and looking around. He stood outside the Hogwarts castle, awaiting Lily's arrival. He'd looked himself over in the mirror quite a few times that morning before Sirius pointed out to him that he was acting like a girl and that he should stop, which James found surprising he hadn't noticed himself.

"Girls take forever to get ready." He thought to himself aloud, hands in pockets as he strode around in a small personal circle, staring at the ground and counting his steps. He didn't even notice Lily slouch toward him huffily. She watched him a moment longer before clearing her throat to get his attention. James jumped, abruptly halting his pace. "Heh, heh... Didn't see you there, Lils..."

"Or anyone else, apparently, because I'm guessing that you'd be sensible enough to not do that in public." Lily cut in scathingly, an eyebrow quirked at his peculiar behavior. "And don't call me Lils." James's cheeks were tinged magenta, not from embarrassment but the amount self-control it took him to not respond back cockily as he usually would've done.

"I guess so..." He muttered, suddenly very interested in the way his runners' laces looped through the numerous holes in his shoes. _Be a man, James. It's your _wife_ you're talking to, after all!_ a voice yelled in his head angrily. James nodded and glanced up at Lily, who was staring at him expectantly. "Shall we...?" He said in a deeper voice, holding out an arm to lead the way.

Lily marched off, leaving James behind, who promptly ran after her. "So..." Lily began, realizing how extremely rude she was being. _He's not being very bull-headed, so I might as well not be either... _she thought to herself, looking up at the cloudless sky. She turned toward him, this time no glare in sight, though neither was a smile. He wasn't exactly at _that_ level yet. "Where're we headed?"

"Oh!" James replied, his voice high. He was startled at the question. He'd been so busy that morning getting ready that he'd never thought of where to go. His mind raced through the shops of Hogsmeade as if he were actually there. He couldn't take her to Zonko's. That was somewhere you went with your mates, not your girlfriend, as he'd come to referring to Lily because 'wife' was just too much for him to handle.

The Three Broomsticks might be suitable, considering all sorts of people go there, so no one would think anything of it. It didn't seem like enough, though. It was his first real 'date' with Lily, all the same. He definitely couldn't take her to Madam Puddifoot's around the corner. According to Sirius, it was _ the_ place to take a bird you were serious about and give her a nice long snog without having strange looks thrown your way because everyone else there was busy doing the same. She's probably give him a nice tight slap across the face before leaving him alone to be mortified in front of more than half of the school.

No. Madam Puddifoot's was a definite no, for now at least. Maybe they could go roaming around for a bit after a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks, find themselves a nice little shop. That way he could get to know her a bit better and find where she'd like to go as well. "James?" Lily's voice cut into his thoughts impatiently. He turned to find her emerald eyes boring into his hazel ones.

"Er... the Three Broomsticks?" He said, cursing at himself for asking rather than commanding. _He_ should be the one planning things out, _he_'d been the one to ask her out! Lily, however, nodded and stated her approval, walking on and humming a soft tune under her breath. Only then did James get a chance to notice her appearance. If he wasn't quite mistaken, and he rarely was, Lily's spruced herself up a bit. No more than usual, but it seemed she'd put a little extra effort into getting ready that morning, as he had. He grinned at himself while she wasn't looking, satisfaction drowning out all nervousness. He finally felt things were going right, when...

"Oi! James!" The pair spun around to find Sirius running at them, his sapphire eyes glinting mischievously. James stared at him questioningly, his eyes wide as beach balls, trying their hardest to get through to Sirius. But Sirius's skin was thick as leather, and he following them all the way to the Three Broomsticks, even taking a seat at their table. "Thought I'd join in for a moment or two."

"Well, three moments have passed, so I guess you should be going." James snapped hastily, standing at pushing at Sirius's shoulder, but without luck. Sirius wasn't about to budge, and James knew there was more than stupidity at work.

A pretty waitress stumbled over to their table, her heels seeming to be a bit too high for her to handle. She held up a little black notepad, quill held steady over it as she stood stiffly ahead of them. "And what can I get you, loves?" she recited monotonously, her soft grey eyes flicking passed the three of them.

Sirius jumped immediately, making the waitress lose her balance and throw a hand out to Sirius's shoulder to keep standing. Sirius smiled a knee-weakening smile, saying in a deep voice, "I _firewhiskey_, if you please." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down, obviously trying to act mature. James glared. "We _ men_ need our whiskey."

"Yeah, I'm sure." said the waitress tonelessly, pretending to scratch her quill across the notepad. Then, staring straight into Sirius's blue eyes, she continued, "And I'll be more than happy to get you a firewhiskey, soon as you're out of school, love." Sirius frowned. "So, what'll it be?"

"I'll have a two butterbeers, if you please." James said, glancing in Lily's direction to receive a nod of approval. "And just get him a butterbeer as well." He ordered for Sirius as well, causing Sirius to slap a hand on the table loudly, his chair screeching as he stood.

"No one orders for Sirius Black!" He exclaimed, glowering at James, almost humorously. He then spun around to face the waitress, who was rolling her eyes irritably. "I'll have a butterbeer, please!" James snorted, and Lily smiled amusedly. "_And_ a peanut butter and jelly sandwich." He nodded his head and sat back down, half of the pub now staring incredulously at their table. Some were even snickering behind their hands.

The waitress rolled her eyes and strode off, stumbling quite a few times on the way. James shook his head at Sirius's peculiarity and turned around to face Lily, who was staring around, looking very bored, but, in James's eyes, very prettily so. "Anyway," James began, trying his best to ignore Sirius, who was, oddly enough, seated very quietly. "Er..." James now realized he had no clue about what they could converse.

"Thank god McGonagall canceled that homework assignment, eh?" Lily covered, seeing as James was grunting apprehensively. The silence was quite deafening and annoyingly so. James nodded his head approvingly, looking very relieved. "I thought I was going to have to skip this Hogsmeade." She continued, wondering why on earth she was being so kind to him.

"Same here." James added, turning slightly in his chair to face her better. The two had a very (meaningful in James's words) insignificant conversation for the next five minutes until the veil of silence fell once again over their heads. It was broken this time with the clacking of the waitress's heals as she made her way back to their table with their orders. "Thanks." James called out to her retreating back.

He handed Lily her butterbeer and left Sirius to pick up his own food. He hadn't been invited anyway, so why should he act hospitable toward him. James smiled at Lily, both sipping their butterbeer at the same time. He set it down and placed at elbow on the table, readying himself for another conversation with Lily. However, instead of the hard surface he thought his elbow would come into contact with, he felt a very squishy object, within which his elbow dug deeper. He ignored it, though, trying his best to keep his face straight as he listened to Lily talk.

"You stuck your elbow in my sandwich!" Sirius cried out furiously, pointing at the obvious.

James turned his head very slowly in Sirius's direction, his eyes ablaze. Then, through gritted teeth he mumbled, "Deal with it. I am." Lily bit her lip, trying her best to not laugh at the situation. _Poor James,_ she thought. _Trying so hard to impress me. You git, all you have to do is be yourself! _ However, she then mentally slapped herself for having even the indecency of letting such a thought cross her mind.

James lifted his elbow out of the peanut butter sandwich at a snail's pace, both his and Sirius's noses cringing as they watched. "Oh! My shirt!" James moaned as he stared at the damage. Abruptly, he sent a glare in Sirius's direction before turning toward Lily and rapidly saying, "Mind if we go?" Lily shrugged and the two left Sirius alone, who was still crying about his PB & J.

"What about paying?" Lily asked suddenly, stopping in mid-step to return to the pub, but James held her back, saying, "Oh, Sirius'll get it." Lily gaped. "No, really. He deserves it. He shouldn't have been alone anyway."

"Right." Lily pursed her lips and nodded her head, walking on. They passed quite a few shops. Lily noticed James glanced longingly into many quidditch equipment stores and little shops she'd never even think of stepping foot into. However, when James threw a pining look in direction of Zonko's, she couldn't help but ask, "D'you want to go in?"

James turned to ogle into her emerald eyes unbelievingly. It seemed he was about to nod yes and run off like a child who'd been let loose in a candy shop, but then he shook his head slightly and 'came to his senses', in his own words. "No, no. Where would _you_ like to go, Lily?" He asked in a very strained tone, forcing himself to let the words slip past his lips.

Lily nodded again, getting bored very quickly. As they strode on in silence, Lily noticed the shops seem to change color. They went from their usual grayish color to bright peaches, pinks, and pastels. They were entering the zone of the loving couples. She stiffened, feeling James do the same beside her. As if n response, the distance between the two widened ever so slightly, both of them noticing and laughing nervously.

Lily decided to break the tense silence, muttering, "Mind if we get a coffee?" James's gaze following Lily's finger as his sight set upon Madam Puddifoot's shop. His eyes widened and his throat got caught up, causing his voice to come out high and out of place.

"Actually, I'd rather _not_." He mumbled rather slowly, fiddling with his thumbs. Lily's expression changed from apprehensive to livid in a flash. James backed away hastily, startled by the sudden change in the air about them. He waved his hands ahead of him defensively, explaining, "I really don't think we're ready to go in _there_." He nodded toward Madam Puddifoot's.

"In _where_, Potter?" Lily hissed, her eyes narrow. She placed her hands on her hips slowly, an eyebrow quirked inquiringly. She knew exactly what he'd meant by that phrase, but she wanted to hear it straight from his own lips before she began making false assumptions and embarrassing herself in the middle of the street.

"Well, there." James replied fearfully, a shaky finger pointing behind her. "I didn't really think it'd be _appropriate_ for us to go in there... You know, at the stage we're at in our relationship—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Lily halted, throwing a hand up, cutting James off. "First of all," She held a finger up. "There is no _relationship_ between us, unless you consider _loathing_ a relationship, so there's no way there can be a _stage_. Second, all I wanted was to grab a coffee from the shop and _leave_. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought you'd take such a simple statement _that_ way!"

James gaped, his temper rising. "Well, I'm _really_ very sorry, Lily." He began hotly, losing his gentle tone. "I mean, of _all_ the pubs we could've gone into, you chose _that_ one, so what else was I _supposed_ to think? It _is_ the best place for a good snog, so—"

"So you thought I'd invite you into Madam Puddifoot's on our first date for a _snog_!" Lily exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "You know, Potter. I always thought better of you, even if you were always a _prat_! I never _imagined_ you'd think so lowly of me."

"I don't! That's why I _didn't_ take you in for a snog. I mean, I didn't think you'd want to, anyway..." His voice trailed off and he threw a sideways glance in Lily's direction, but his expression did not falter and he stood his ground, as did Lily.

"Oh, so I'm not good enough or something for you to take in to Madam Puddifoot's!" Lily shrieked, causing many stares to come their way, even a few from within Madam Puddifoot's. "And what makes you think I wouldn't want to!" Lily threw a hand over her lips immediately, shocked at what she'd said.

James smirked. "So you _do_ want to snog me." He concluded smugly. "Then go ahead, no one's stopping you." He added, taking a step closer toward Lily, who backed away disgustedly.

"No way, Potter! You misunderstood me." She concealed. "I _meant_ that I don't think you should make false accusations and decide what I'm thinking, because my mind is much too complex for yours to comprehend or even handle." She took a step closer, glaring. "And as for the snogging thing," She poked his chest threateningly. "The only way I'd _ever_ snog you is if we were—we were _married_!" She then laughed hysterically at the 'ridiculous' thought, spinning around and stomping off.

James glared at her for a moment before setting his mind. He wasn't about to let her get off the hook _that_ easily. He marched right after her, taking hold of her hand and spinning her around so their faces were barely an inch apart. James stared straight into Lily's eyes intensely, his lips hardly moving as he muttered, "You know what?"

James then pressed his lips against Lily's, kissing her passionately. He felt his eyes flutter shut, as did Lily's, and, to his great amazement and joy, Lily's body relaxed as her fingers inched across his shoulders, coming to set around his neck. The crowd began whooping and cheering, and a few who knew them began shouting their names in astonishment.

To Lily and James, however, all was background noise, insignificant to their being. They continued, unawares of the crowd growing as students of all ages, and even teachers came to watch the scene. No one would believe Lily and James were kissing unless they saw it with their own eyes, it seemed.

Without notice, an odd sound echoed through the streets. All heads turned toward the direction of the sound, and the crowd parted to find Sirius clapping his hands, a lopsided smile upon his face. "Brilliant." He muttered, laughing his head off. Lily and James parted, staring at each other oddly before Lily's eyes widened as she realized the 'sin' she'd committed. She backed away, wiping her lips on the side of her sleeve. "So, did you tell her yet?" Sirius asked unexpectedly.

"What?" James muttered before realizing what he was speaking of. He held his hand up to halt Sirius's speech, but, as known to all, when Sirius's mind was set to something, it was going to be done, no matter at how large or small a scale.

"That you're married, you prat!" He cried, laughing again. Remus, who'd appeared at the other side of the crowd, slapped his forehead, shaking his head sympathetically. James fell to his knees amid the loud, unified gasp that seemed to crush his very essence.

Lily, however, stared between Sirius and James, an eyebrow quirked, an uneasy look about her face. Her sight set upon James and she muttered, "Potter, what's going on?"

* * *

There you go. I kind of had to force myself to write this. It's kind of speedy and not very funny, but I don't really expect this story to be very long. Probably around 15 chapters, no more. If you want a lengthy story, read Transformations and Transfiguratins, also by yours truly. Anyway, no, it is NOT over. It's only just begun. Heh. I love that phrase. Anyway, I've got a few good ideas and stuff, but don't be expecting the next chapter too soon because I'm going to be busy... I'll try to update soon, but until then, just... enjoy! heh...

_**Please Review! **_


	5. Chapter 5: Exposed

Bound in Matrimony

By: Jasmine

Chapter 5

"Exposed"

"Er... heh..." James laughed nervously, looking around for support or at least something to change the subject with. Lily's glare pierced painfully through his skin, and he wasn't exactly ready to go blind just yet. Sirius stood bemused, obviously oblivious to the predicament he'd just brought up. All eyes, however, were set on James and Lily, both of whom were very confused.

Just as James opened his mouth to give a pathetic response, a second very loud sound echoed through the streets of Hogsmeade. It was Alana this time, and she was laughing her head off. She staggered toward them as if what she was watching couldn't be any more hilarious. The crowd gradually broke into laughter as well, a few still confused but finding it more comical now that someone had broken the silence.

Alana halted her gait next to Sirius, who was staring at her as if she'd lost her mind. She set an elbow on Sirius's shoulder, leaning against him. "He's so funny, isn't he?" She hooted, nodding her head to encourage the crowd on. The audience's mirth grew, and some even began filing out, now seeing it as a huge joke that had been put on. "Yep, hilarious. Now, there's nothing else to see here." Her tone altered abruptly as she shooed them all off.

Once all were gone, she removed her arm from Sirius's shoulder in an instant and turned to glare at him. Then, without notice, she slapped him on the shoulder, making him yelp in pain. "Numbskull." She said in a relatively calm tone. "Who told you to go about saying such things without any proof as to the matter. And James and Lily being married, of all things. You really know how to tell tall tales, Sirius." She concluded, leaving Sirius gaping unbelievingly.

"What the hell...?" Sirius exclaimed, lowering his tone quickly when he noticed a few of the crowd still lingering. He turned on them, hair flying, and pointed his wand threateningly, muttering, "Shoo." The few still standing made a run for it, not looking back until they were yards away.

"Let's just go." Remus suggested, coming up behind Sirius and pushing him forward toward the road leading to Hogwarts. James, Lily, and Alana followed as if on default, and the group made their way back to school hours before the time set, grim expressions set about their faces, looking nowhere but straight ahead or at their feet.

Once inside, Remus let go of Sirius's shoulder. They stood in silence, all knowing an explanation was due. Sirius, however, had nothing else to say, so he broke the deafening silence with, "What now?" He looked around expectantly, receiving no reply. "Boring... I'm off." He strode through the Great Hall doors. Alana's mouth, as well as James and Lily's, hung open slightly.

Remus, trying his hardest not to laugh at Sirius's brilliance, said, "I'm sort of hungry as well, so I'll just be following him along..." Then, he too marched through the open doors, leaving Alana, James, and Lily to follow again. The group sat in silence, all aware of the whispers swirling about them and the stares of the numerous students filing into the Great Hall for dinner about them. None were in any mood of saying anything, though, so they finished dinner and were off before you could say codswallop.

* * *

James scratched his chin gently with the end of his quill, scratching it across a once clean piece of parchment, finishing as much of his homework before Alana and Lily returned. He'd gotten yelled at a few hours ago and was in no mood of getting yelled at again, especially by his wife. _What a way to go_, he'd thought to himself a thousand times, tuning Lily out.

"Why the hell didn't you mention anything to me!" Lily had shrieked, her emerald eyes glowing with rage. She too had thought it a joke until Alana had decided they'd lied enough, especially about her.

"That's why!" James exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger in Lily's direction, getting to his feet as well. He wasn't about to go down with a fight. "If I'd even tried to tell you, you would've just gotten angry! In case you haven't figured it out already, it was _my_ fault! I can't _force_ you to marry me!"

"But you didn't _stop_ it either!" Lily retorted very loudly, her voice cracking due to its maximized volume. It seems it wasn't used to being so high and loud. Lily cleared her throat quickly, her cheeks tinged magenta.

"Oh, so it's _my_ responsibility to keep _you_ from doing anything wrong!" James cried. Then, smirking slightly, he added, "And, if I'm not mistaken, and I rarely am, that's a _husband's_ job!" His smirk grew as he watched Lily's face contort with rage. Her mouth opened and closed many times before she stomped her foot angrily. James decided to put her out of her misery and said, "Besides, Lily, you're getting angry over _nothing_—"

"You're right, Potter." Lily cut in viciously. She took a step closer, her nose barely an inch away from James's, her eyes glowering painfully. "I'm getting angry over _nothing_. Because you're nothing to me." James's jaw dropped and Lily turned to leave, stomping off.

But, before she'd went a yard, James called out furiously, "So that's why you oh so passionately _kissed_ me just a few hours ago?" Lily spun around, her eyes no longer glaring but blank, unaware of what she'd gotten into, unable to come up with an explanation. She was stuck, both she and James knew it, and she had no way out of that.

So, she replied, "That was nothing more than a spur-of-the-moment feeling." She stammered, her eyes and state strong, but her voice apprehensive.

"Then so is this." James came up to her and put a finger under her chin, pushing her face closer to his, lowering his own in the process.

Lily, however, threw a hand up abruptly, covering his mouth. "Oh no you don't, Potter. I'm not thick enough to fall for _that_." James looked taken aback, astonished that she'd stopped him. He stared blankly, questioningly. "Look, Potter. We're married. There's nothing I can do about that," James grinned. "For now." His smile vanished. "But I'm just going to have to live with it. Don't you dare go spreading this around, though—"

"What makes you think I'd do _ that_?" James cut in dejectedly. "My parents would murder me on the spot."

"Same here. So we've got mutual ground. However, we're to act as if there is no relationship between us, as is true." Lily continued, glaring at him for the interruption. "That means you keep your greasy paws off me, even more than usual."

"Fine." James replied. "But what if I feel like being romantic?" He smirked.

"POTTER!" Lily shrieked, backing away instantly as she felt his hand inching across her waist. "We're only married by contract, _not_ heart!" James's face dropped.

Sirius and Alana, who'd been watching bemusedly the whole time, decided to pitch in now. "Basically, mate, if you want _anything_ to happen, you have to treat her like any girl and get her to like you the _normal_ way." Sirius concluded.

"For once, I agree." Alana said, nodding her head again.

"Ok, then." James said, nodding his head as well, his jaw set. "I'll get you to like me, and even love. I'll make this marriage work!" He finished dramatically, clapping his hands together and theatrically stomping out of the empty classroom. Sirius, Alana, and Lily gawked after him, Sirius leaving first. Lily and Alana shook their heads, Alana in sympathy, Lily due to James's stupidity.

"Idiot." Lily muttered rather oddly, walking out with Alana following.

* * *

Ok. So this isn't my best and/or most eventful chapter, and it definitely isn't my funniest. I'll try to make the next funny, though. I'm just kind of under stress and wanted to get a chapter out before the weekend ended. I know my fans of Transformations and Transfigurations are waiting, but I'm on a major writer's block, so my grievest apologies for that. I'm really trying my best to get the next chapter out, but I just can't write. Maybe next weekend I'll be able to. Until then, sayonara and happy trails everyone!

Before I go, I guess I'll answer some reviews as well:

**jamesandlilypotter:  
plz update! ive waited so long for this chapter.siri is so funny! and kinda stupid but thats y i luv him.plz update! i luv ur story.oh and i really hav to ask, will the story go up to their deaths?plz dont go that far.i hat sad stories.anyways keep up the good work.update!**

no way is it gonna go to their deaths! i hate stories like that too! i believe that it's a love story and should end happily. i'm a true stander beside the cliche that love stories should always have a happy ending, even if in the future it ends sadly, and death is a natural part of life, so it shouldn't be added in a love story that would've had a happy ending had the death not been added. that's my own personal opinion, anyway. it's the lily and james story, and it ends with their marriage. it's their deaths that begins harry's story, and i'm not writing about harry, am I? that's about it... yeah... hope that answers your question.

I guess that's the only review that actually had a question. Thanks to everyone else who reviewed! You guys really put me at a higher standard than I really am, and I thank you all for it! Keep reading and reviewing and I'll be sure to keep updating! Happy trails!

_**Please Review!**_


	6. Important Author's Note

Important Author's Note:

My gravest apologies for not having updated in forever. I know I promised that I'd finish these stories, and I promise I will. I've just been very busy for a very long time. Actually, I've been out of town for quite a while. So long even, that I haven't read the sixth book yet! Yes, I know. Horrid.

To add on to all of that, I've been experiencing some major writers' block, but I'm happy to say that I've gotten over that phase, and promise new chapters for both stories once I'm back at home (which should be within a week) and after I've read the sixth book. Please do not leave any reviews with spoilers! I've been very keen on keeping away from such.

My apologies again. I'll try my best to hurry with another chapter for you all to enjoy! Thank you to all of my loyal reviewers who're keeping up with my story. I really do love you all and promise nothing less than excellence in the next few chapters.

That's about it for now. Keep your eyes peeled, and please forgive me for the extreme wait! Happy trails!

--Jasmine


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